Schöne Formulierungen

Warum fallen mir nicht solche schönen Formulierungen ein?

Zum Beispiel bei den Filmfreunden über Fast and Furios 3:

Ich glaube mir ist gerade, nur vom angucken, ein drittes Ei gewachsen.)

cracked.com über Computerspielgegner:

When battling these diaper demons, we often resorted to the coward’s tactic of haplessly waving around the chainsaw and closing our eyes until everything was dead.

cracked.com über Dinge, die in Computerspielen vermieden werden sollen (1, 2, 3):

Now imagine it’s later in the evening and you’re about to have sex with your girl. Suddenly she sits up, her boobies hanging out, and says, “Wait! We can’t do it until you fling 10 cards into that hat over there! It’s a rule in the obscure religion I practice!”

This should be the law: If you’ve programmed your cutscene so that we can’t skip it, then you should have your game programming license revoked. If you have placed your cutscene right before a spot where we’re likely to die, and given us no ability to save after it, then you deserve a beating. […] Until we turn off the game, get in our car, and drive to your office to deliver your beating.

Thou shalt make killing fun

You can slash the bad guy in the face with your blade and it does nothing. The enemy looks perfectly normal until he finally falls over dead, as if he had a heart attack from the excitement. Why give us a sword if we can’t decapitate people?

This is like having to ask McDonald’s to cook the burger before they serve it to you, or having to remind your dentist not to videotape himself slapping you in the face with his penis while you’re under. It’s the sort of thing you’d feel ridiculous saying.

cracked.com im Spieler-Manifest:

Developers will be shocked one day when they notice that the world is full of women. […] The female designers will burst on the scene soon enough, heaving their giant bosoms of talent and creativity and brandishing their black thongs of diversity.

We knew a man who failed that level 37 times, then got the Infinite Health cheat for it and came back. He intentionally tripped the alarm, the guards rushed out. Laughing maniacally, he proceeded to shoot those fuckers for four hours, killing 1,183 of them – 682 with groin shots – before his thumbs cramped up.

I like to think that some day the businesses of the world will wake up and realize they’re part of a greater whole, that the energy devoted to cannabalistic infighting means ultimate doom for all. The leaders of the great religions of the world will realize that all of us, Muslim, Christian, Jew, all want the same for humanity. Women will realize it’s the pale, studious type they want instead of the quarterback of the football team, and everywhere we walk, bunnies will dance a path for us. Dance, little guys! Dance!

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